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This is how I play Final Fantasy VIII:

I. Start a New Game. Still be in awe at how completely bad ass the introduction movie is. Cheer on Seifer instead of Squall. Proceed to giggle like a fangirl.

II. Say your forehead hurts, go through dialogue until Quistis shows up. Note that I think she looks hot and she uses a chain whip.

III. Giggle along with her as she figures out that Squall is an unemotional and serious character. Which isn’t surprising.

IV. Proceed through game until it lets you play again. Run into Selphie, don’t give her a tour anymore. Meet Quistis at front gate. Listen to her tell you about junctioning things. A lot. Hit the Cancel button to exit the tutorial.

V. Level up on the beach until Shiva is a crazy strong summon of win. Go to Fire Cavern, Cancel out of yet another one of Quistis’ tutorials. Get Ifrit in way under 5 minutes.

VI. Go do the SeeD exam. Plow through it, get Siren from boss monster, beat mechanical spider. Secretly hope it gets Squall as he runs across the beach towards the boat.

VII. Deal with Rinoa being a whore at the SeeD reception, watch Squall suck at dancing. Watch Rinoa leave him for Seifer. Go to the Training Grounds with Quistis. Cancel out of yet another tutorial.

VIII. OCD-ly Draw magic and turn monsters into cards whenever possible. Then never use either one of them.

IX. <— Play this Final Fantasy instead after you use Diablos’ ‘No Encounters’ too much and you die instantly in a boss fight.

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